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sometimes you just have the worst of days
then just a few days your world flips back to the way it was… rightside up
ah, that feels a lot better
watch “Let the Right One In”
another song with meaning!
I will post this song later, but here’s the basic idea: Starting in high school, I spent about the first five years of my life with a group of people who were never very true to me. We fell apart eventually, and I’ve moved on and made better friendships. Looking back at that time in my life, this song speaks clearly what that all means:
Caught in a stasis,
Feel like I’ve wasted all this time
With people and places
Who’ve never related or desired
…And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead — Wasted State of Mind
– here it comes –
I’m not so known
As I’d like to think I am
Though I’ll be found
Forever in your pain
And here it comes
I’d rather be no one than someone with no one.
I’d rather be no one than someone with no one.
No one to love.
I’m just useless for her.
Yeah, useless for her.
The Stone Roses – Here It Comes (click to download)
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I know why I’m sometimes unhappy:
1) I’m often at a loss as to how my heart can be made to feel less damaged
2) I really hate college and want to be done with it all
3) People are cruel, and they are bent on the moral decay of themselves and the church (here’s to you all you alcoholic youth pastors in Beaumont and around the world)
Often times I am happy:
1) I’ve got wonderful, caring friends
2) Music, movies, massages and head scratches are therapeutic and relaxing
3) I have a strong love for my family
There it is.
“you used to be alright. what happened?”
How come I end up where I started
How come I end up where I went wrong
Won’t take my eyes off the ball again
First you reel me out and then you cut the string.
You used to be alright
What happened?
Did the cat get your tongue?
Did your string come undone?
Radiohead – 15 Step (click to download)
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I am becoming a terrible college student. This is practically my third day of MWF classes to skip, and it’s just the end of the third week.
I have the following schedule:
COSC 3302 – Computer Theory
COSC 3304 – Algorithm Design and Analysis
CPSC 4360 – Software Engineering
COSC 4302 – Operating Systems
MATH 4380 – Theory of Statistical Inference
MATH 4330 – Linear Algebra II
Kill me now, kids. I am tired all the time. I have classes and homework all the time. Somebody tell me I’m almost done with college, so that I can be encouraged and keep going.
The only two good things about this is that I’m going to graduate in a year and that my last semester will (hopefully and probably) be my easiest/least stressful semester. I think I’ll be taking 12 hours that semester, and I’ve taken 17-20 hours every semester of college so far.
I’ve gone to school non-stop since Fall of 2006… all the summers and full semesters you could ever dream of. I’m so tired of all this business. I want into the real world… pronto.
Well, friends. I’m done for now. Just sharing that I’m struggling with school, it’s not been my friend.
A lot of things haven’t been my friend lately, but when people fall by the wayside willingly, there’s not always something to be done for them. When they’re gone, they’re gone. Better hope you enjoyed it while it lasted, or at least that you learned something along the way.
when it hit me, there was no denying it.
I am head-over-heels in love with music. I am in love with how such immediate pleasures of varying complexities can move my soul.
I bought a $249.99 Companion 3 Bose Computer Sound System at Best Buy yesterday. Here it is:
This thing sounds terrific, and it helped bring my mood to the highest place. God created music, and I relish in that gift from God. Seriously, I am not even close to being grateful for all that music is, and I know I should tell God every day that I love Him for it.
Blake and I just spent an hour listening to music such as:
Gorillaz – Feel Good Inc
Phantom Planet – Big Brat
Radiohead – Everything In Its Right Place
Radiohead – Bodysnatchers
Radiohead – House of Cards
Radiohead – The National Anthem
Radiohead – Exit Music (For a Film)
Muse – Hysteria
Muse – Apocalypse Please
Spoon – Back to the Life
White Stripes – Icky Thump
Rage Against the Machine – Ashes in the Fall
Rage Against the Machine – Testify
Dandy Warhols – Nietzsche
U2 – Beautiful Day
U2 – Elevation
Bloc Party – Ares
Bloc Party – Positive Tension
Year of the Rabbit – Hunted
Sufjan Stevens – Chicago
Sufjan Stevens – The Seer’s Tower
Led Zeppelin – Black Dog
Led Zeppelin – Dazed and Confused
…and so much more. I can’t believe how good of a time I just had. I have an obvious and an undeniable love for music, and I shall carry it to my grave, no doubt. I sure do hope that my children love music as much as I do, if not more, and I know I’ll have to encourage them for it, but I’ll never force them to love what I love.
What a good day. What a marvelous day this is turning out to be, and it’s only 10:30 AM.
“Christians” are unhappy because they think their life is their own.
They think that they deserve to have things happen their own way.
I’m trying to let go of all preconceived notions and just allow myself to live without hindrances.
There are so many superfluous details that occupy my time that ought not be there.
I wish to put up my keyboard in my dorm and just write until the morning light.
I wish to have a recording studio to put my thoughts in sound-form.
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“Yeah, I’ll hit the bottom, I’ll hit the bottom and escape… escape.”
Radiohead — Weird Fishes/Arpeggi
Time’s Up.
I’m saying goodbye to my old baggage. I’m moving on and going for something different now. I think it’s only fitting now that I’m a different person, and a good chunk of people don’t really know who I am anymore. Might as well be saying goodbye in order to say hello to some newer things in this life.
-Daniel
fragmentation
Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?
Is your heart filled with pain?
Shall I come back again?
Tell me dear,
Are you lonesome tonight?
Elvis Presley – Are You Lonesome Tonight? (click to download)
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Today’s post is just going to be a series of fragments of thoughts:
1. I need to be doing something different, because whatever this is, it just isn’t working.
2. Documentary “Taxi to the Dark Side” (Academy Award Winner 2007) will break your heart.
3. I wish all Loch shows were as fun as the one tonight.
4. I wish I knew how to really play guitar.
5. It’s ridiculous when I have to be some VIP to actually get you to talk to me. You think you’re so elite, don’t you?
6. I hit Ben Carpenter in the face 4 times with the Whataburger numbers.
7. I made 3 A’s and 3 B’s this semester… I think I did well considering, well, considering.
8. I enjoy the simple things in life.
9. I have rediscovered the awe that the band Battles induces upon listening.
10. I have superb friends.
11. I am the weakest I have ever been.
12. My acoustic guitar has a broken nut, and this proves to be difficult for playing when the guitar is tuned to a perpetual state of EADG#BE.
13. So many people get exactly what they want and exactly what they need.
14. I need to stop biting my fingernails… my fingers always hurt after a concert because they are too short.
15. I need my own recording studio, pronto.
16. I need to devour the contents of the Bible.
I guess I have words to say, come to think of it:
I think it’s funny how I am a person focused on and driven by the power of music. People know that I watch me a good handful of movies (not as much lately, but still), and I feel reasonably educated in the realm of movies. When it comes to music, I still feel at a loss. Seriously, there is so much stuff that I don’t know… and this is me still talking about rock music. I love classical music, hymns, guitar-anything, etc., but I’m mainly focused on rock music.
I’m just now listening to the following:
Elvis Presley
The Stone Roses
George Harrison
Emerson, Lake and Palmer
Fleetwood Mac
Joy Division
Marvin Gaye
Stevie Wonder
Television
Sly & The Family Stone
Kraftwerk
The Clash
Meat Loaf
Elvis Costello
Creedence Cleerwater Revival
Buckethead
Fatboy Slim
I’m missing out on so much. What am I going to do?
just because.
If I were you, I’d better watch out
When was the last time you did anything
Not for me or any one else
Just because, just because?
You, you really should have known
Yeah you, you really should have known
Just because, just because
You got the most
But nobody loves you
Nobody has to
Just because, just because
Jane’s Addiction – Just Because (click to download)
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I’m like a hinge–going back in forth on my view of humanity.
Once again, I am very disappointed with people. This feeling continues to affirm that I am ready to leave this city and live elsewhere. Austin is a nice place, I hear. I really am open to whatever possibility, but I do have a few ideas of what I might expect come graduation December 2009.
Why are people so insincere? Why do people not care about real feelings and genuine conversations? No one seems to care anymore. What’s sad is that I’m referring to “Christians” that lack these traits. I think it’s pretty rough out there, to be perfectly honest. Most people aren’t serious-minded or they have no idea what they’re talking about.
Maybe Modest Mouse got it all wrong when they said, “I know that starting over is not what life’s all about.”
Perhaps I should. Even without making a formal declaration, I feel like my life has started over. I’ve lost a whole slew of friendships, and I have made many new ones, as well. There are a couple friendships I definitely did not expect to form, but they have proved to be essential to my survival throughout this year. I don’t know what I’ll do when I saddle on from this place. What type of people will I meet? Will I love those new people as much as I love these few down here in lowly Beaumont, TX?
Just ask yourself (as I, in turn, ask myself), when was the last time you did something, not for somebody (to gain something for yourself), but just because? When was the last time you thought about how much you had to lose, and that as such you had to live every unfolding moment with gratitude and complete care?
Life, to me, is now a precious jewel. Even if my jewel is oblong, small and (to others) unnoticeable, it’s my portion that I’m taking care of while I’m alive. I once thought that this piece was insignificant and replaceable, but I have since then learned that my portion in this life is exactly as I was destined to possess it. There MUST be no such lull in my life where I look back and wonder why I needlessly wasted my time, or why I gave up my portion for some sort of “fix”, a hit of the next best thing.
I’m so ready to love humanity, and to find people that I can just love and depend on, but Michael and I are quickly realizing that so few people are trustworthy or genuine. It’s rather disconcerting to think that, as Christians, there is an actual possibility of being lonely, but I’m doing my best to put off the most honest vibe I can give. I’ll be there first to admit I’m prone to make many mistakes, but I am not proud of them, and I try to make the best of it and never do it again.
Just think if the whole world gave up on you for any mistake you made. I think you’d be a little less condescending.
Maybe it sounds like a rant, or that perhaps I am rambling, but just let it be known that I love my fellow man. I have met the most amazing people in my lifetime, and I’m just 21 years old. I’d be foolish to say that the good times are come and gone, ’cause I know there’s more time to do so much.
I really want a house with a recording studio in it. That’s all I’d ever do. I’d have this voluminous output of music, and I would record all my friends probably for free, and I would all the struggling musicians who I felt deserved a proper, fighting chance. I want this to happen…
